While I agree that it’s ok not to be ok, I think the opposite is true too.
It’s ok to be sad and have days filled with tears and yearning. It’s ok to take time to be with your grief and let the grief roll over you. Own those feelings and lean into them. The reality is that you will have bad days, really rotten days, horrifyingly sad days, but you will have some ok days, too. And at some point you may find yourself having GOOD days. It is possible if you let it.
It’s ok to live. It’s ok to laugh. It’s ok to answer “I’m good!” when someone asks how you are doing. It’s ok to be ok after your child dies. You don’t have to be ok with the fact that your child died, but you can be ok sometimes. I think that often we feel we can’t be ok because people will think we didn’t love our child enough if we’re not sad all the time. Not true.
I come back to a phrase that is so meaningful to me —
“I can hold my grief in one hand and joy in the other”.
I will have a hole in my heart forever. It will never heal or go away. But I am learning how to LIVE again WITH my grief. I can still be ok and even laugh.
I miss Katie with every ounce of my being and every second of the day, but I’m ok.